My Arms Are Tied

Joint custody is the worst possible ending to a dysfunctional relationship.  It’s like pouring gas on an out of control fire.  It’s just not a healthy resolution.  I realize the courts don’t want the responsibility to pick the more suitable parent but  it is absolutely necessary for them to do so.  

Let me give some examples of the nighmare that I am currently living.  Every Saturday at 7pm I meet my ex halfway to pick up my girls.   Every Wednesday he picks up the girls from school.   So it’s always me waiting for him to show up with the girls.

Last Saturday, I got to our halfway point 2 minutes before 7:00.  I waited and waited until about 7:15 (when I am legally allowed to drive away.  But I don’t because I’m the one waiting for the kids).   At 7:15 I called both numbers that I have for my ex.  No surprise, I got no answer;  just his voice mail and an answering machine at his parent’s house.  (He’s lived with his parents ever since we split up 5 years ago.)  I waited even longer until 7:40 when his father called to tell me that they are having “car trouble” and he doesn’t know how or when he could get to me.  I asked him where they were so I could pick up the girls and he said he didn’t know yet and would try to find out and call me back.  By 8:05 I got no phone call so I left. 

The next morning my ex calls me and says I have to come and get them at his house because their car had to get towed.  So, after driving 32 miles to his house I finally picked up the kids.  On the way home the girls tell me about their horrible experience the night before.  Kaitlyn said her and Britney got to ride in a cop car.  The story seemed very spotty like it was missing key pieces of information but Kaitlyn said they got pulled over because “the sticker on the back of their car said 2008”.  She said her Dad told her he forgot to put a 2009 sticker on it.  Britney then said that her Dad told her not to tell me what happened.  I explained how that is a form of lying and that it’s not nice that their Dad asks them to lie.  She said he didn’t want me to know that he and his brother (who was driving) gave different names to the police officer.  I told them that lying to the police can get them arrested and it’s very serious.   Kaitlyn said the police officer gave them a ride to a gas station and then they had to walk the rest of the way home.   After they went to bed that night I checked online and found that he and his brother both have suspended licenses.

That was last week.  Then today, as I’m walking from room to room collecting dirty clothes to throw in the laundry Kaitlyn asks me if I’ve ever seen the movie, “The Haunting”.  I said no because I don’t watch scary movies and then I asked her if she had and she said both her and Britney were forced to watch it on Friday.

I asked what she meant by that and she told me that her ‘Mammaw’ was on the couch in the living room and she told them to watch it with her.  Kaitlyn said when she got up to go to her room her ‘Mammaw’ told her no and to sit back down.  I told her that no one has the right to make her do something she doesn’t want to do.  I asked her why she didn’t tell her father what was going on and she said she didn’t want to cause a fight.   This is a 7 year old little girl who already is holding back her feelings for other people’s best interest!

So, these two incidents are only a week apart.  Just imagine everything I’ve gone through in the past 5 years.  And I can’t do anything about the situation.  If anyone has gone through something similar or knows someone who has please let me know. 

I took him back to court three years ago and Judge Potts made a ruling last year that she was keeping our joint custody.  At first, when I found out we had a female judge I was ecstatic, but this woman is so flaky.  When I was on the stand she had solitaire on her computer screen!  I am not kidding.  True story.

In her rulings, she would state things like she didn’t have any evidence to support the fact that he was keeping the girls out of school or tardy when the attendance records showing exactly this were admitted into evidence.  Nothing she did or said made any sense.  It’s as if she could not recall what was said in the court room before she made her ruling.   Not to mention, she would keep extending him another chance after he would miserably screw up. 

He failed to show for his deposition, he failed to call the custody evaluator and he lied on the stand over and over again.  She held a hearing because he was in contempt of court and he showed up 13 minutes late to that hearing!  She did nothing during that hearing but order him to call the parenting coordinator and to appear at his deposition.  Meanwhile, I’m paying $1500 just for my attorney to show up. 

I could write about so many things but that’s not why I’m writing this post.  I’m writing this post in an effort to vent and find a positive route to take from here.  I have tried everything short of running off to another country with the children.  Nothing has worked.  What do I do?   Anyone have any suggestions besides ‘hang in there’? 

My arms are tied.

Visit my other posts about joint custody, parenting coordinators and child custody evaluators here.

A High Protein Low Carb Casserole?

Well today’s the day!  A low carb recipe that you won’t believe is low carb.

One of my very favorite dinners my Mom used to make when I was growing up was tuna noodle casserole.    I loved it and she would either top the casserole with crumbled potato chips, breadcrumbs or cheddar cheese.  So here’s my low carb version and, might I add, just as delicious.

1 box Dreamfields Penne Rigate
1 large can of your favorite tuna
1 small can cream of chicken soup                                       
1/4 cup heavy cream
2 TBL butter
splash of whole milk (if you have it) – if not, use water
salt to taste
small bag of shredded cheddar cheese

Heat oven to 375.  Prepare pasta as indicated on box.  In a med size pot, combine remaining ingredients and bring to a moderate boil.  Once pasta is done, pour into 13×9 glass baking dish.  Then pour remaining ingredients over pasta.  Bake 13 min.  Sprinkle cheese over casserole and put back in oven til cheese is melted.

It’s that easy.  And I promise you will love it and so will the kids!   Each serving yields about 10-15 carbs depending on how ‘big’ your serving spoon is.

The pasta is controlled carb pasta so while it is significantly lower in carbs than traditional pasta you should only eat 1-2 servings because too much will actually convert to sugar in your body thus, being totally counter-productive to a low carb diet.  But, if you don’t eat much that means leftovers! 

So enjoy it for dinner tonight and again for tomorrow’s lunch.

Happy Low Carbing…

For more of my tricks visit A Secret for Weight Loss that Men Don’t Possess

Artificial Sweeteners are Making Us Unhealthy!

Today, after waiting 2 months, I finally weighed myself again.  I lost 10 pounds.  In March, I hit a plateau and couldn’t figure out what was causing it.  I’ve finally narrowed it down.  I cut out ALL artificial sweeteners.  Which is not easy to do on a low carb diet.  All controlled carb products use artificial sweeteners.  In fact, Dr. Atkins in his many books even suggests using sucralose (Splenda) instead of other leading brands.  While I am an avid believer in the Atkin’s diet I have also tweaked it a bit for my family and I.  I’ll get into that at another time.

Prior to 2 months ago I tried everything.  I cut out alcohol completely, worked out more, worked out longer, combined different exercise by doing cardio and then strength training, started taking CoQ10, L-carnitine, more vitamin C, omega 3’s , and even going back on the induction phase of Atkins.  All that worked but I only saw a little difference.  I wanted more. 

So the only thing left to do was to cut out artificial sweeteners.  This was really the only thing left to do that I hadn’t tried.  So this morning, to my dismay I might add, I realized it worked.    I, myself, was a big fan of Splenda.  I would put at least 4 TBL of it in each cup of coffee I drank.  I knew this wasn’t healthy but I wanted my sweet, yummy, delicious coffee!  Frank would constantly give me a hard time telling me I’m a disgrace to coffee drinkers everywhere!  But hey – at least I was getting my morning jolt!  I didn’t use Splenda for anything else. 

But to ask me to give up my coffee, UGH, that was the last thing I wanted to try.  The headache that sets in 24 hours to your exact last cup of coffee, the lethargic feeling you have for the next 2 days along with that wonderful headache,  oh and the evident lack of energy to even muster the strength to get ready and go about your day.  BLAH!

But it was worth it for me.  Believe me, I am not knocking coffee, nor caffeine in any way.  I love it.  But unfortunately for me, I cannot drink coffee black.  The thought alone makes me cringe.  Might as well just go outside and lick the asphalt street instead!  That sounds just as appealing.

What are these “artificial sweeteners”?  What are they made of?  We don’t know.  The manufacturing companies don’t want us to know either.  They are foreign.  And even our own bodies know it.  That’s why it was holding me back – our bodies store this ’substance’ because it doesn’t know what to do with it!  Where does it get stored?  In our bellies.

While researching this particular sweetener, I found that Splenda is actually a chemically modified substance where chlorine is added to the already chemical structure, making it more similar to a pesticide than something we should be ingesting.  Their commercials conveniently forget to mention that part.

Artificial sweeteners are not healthy at all.  In fact, they can be worse than sugar and corn syrup.   It actually made me crave sweet things.  Whereas, if I were eating right I wouldn’t be craving sweets at all.  The battle between artificial sweeteners and regular sugar is a battle of two wrongs.  And we all know that two wrongs don’t make a right.

Also, while researching, I stumbled on a website by a guy who is pretty knowledgeable and gives a lot of free information.  Check out his website for some other tips and tricks.  He’s actually against the strict low carb diet but has some valuable information about working out and the foods we should be eating to get the best results.

Let’s get back to basics people!  Eat fresh veggies, fruit and meat (all organic whenever you can), don’t eat ANY processed food, and take your vitamins!  Avoid the inner aisles of the grocery stores and adjust your favorite meals to be more healthy.  For all you people that say you can’t do low carb because you can’t do a diet where you can’t eat bread and pasta I have news for you:  I eat bread and pasta!  The low carb kind and I don’t eat it all the time, just once a week.  All the favorite appetizers and yummy casseroles that I thought were a thing of the past are now being enjoyed again by the whole family.

After doing low carb for a very long time, I have noticed that if all my spoons are clean and still in the drawer then I am eating healthy.  (I used to only need a spoon to stir my Splenda into my coffee!)   

If we feed ourselves and our children natural and fresh food we might actually see these modern day dilemmas such as autism, child obesity and minor problems such as food allergies disappear and become a thing of the past.  We all need to re-evaluate our diets, no matter what diet we choose.

What a Day

What a rough day.  Where do I start?  Ugh! 

First, my plan of waking up at 6am to go run this morning fell to the waist-side after Frankie woke up hungry at 2am.  Evidently, he is entering a growth spurt and requires more food at dinner time!  So when I went back to bed I “adjusted” my alarm clock to go off an hour later than originally planned.

Then, on the way to dropping the girls off at school Kaitlyn decides to (tattle)tell me that Britney got in trouble at school again last week on “Dad’s” day and they have forgotten to tell me this little tidbit of information.  This is so upsetting because she got in trouble with me for doing the very same behavior not even a week ago. 

Later, the girls’ father calls to tell me he will not be able to meet me at the post office this afternoon to get the girl’s passport applications underway because he is too busy.  (This is the second time we’ve planned on a day and he has failed to follow through).  This isn’t going to hurt me – it hurts the girls.  We are trying to plan a Disney cruise for our family trip this summer and I didn’t know that you need passports to go on  a cruise even if the cruise is to Alaska or Hawaii!  Bummer, because it doesn’t look like this is going to get done in time to do this.

And lastly, the “parenting coordinator” assigned to our case emailed my ex and I asking for yet another appointment where she can hammer out our issues.  To bring my readers up to speed ~ this parenting coordinator was ordered by the court July 25th, 2008 to meet with us and modify any/all arrangements she deems necessary for the children.  My first complaint was that he is working Mon-Fri and sometimes Saturdays.  I am not.  Therefore, I should have the children Mon-Fri and at least one weekend a month.

Fortunately for me, she whole-heartedly agrees with me.  But just as all others do, is rewarding my ex with another chance … after chance … after chance to redeem himself.  Yet, if this were me playing these games I doubt the court system would be so lacksadaisical.

So what am I supposed to say to that?  No?  Of course not.  I have to play by the rules because I’m hoping that someday it will benefit me. 

This just in!!!  As I am blogging, I get a glimpse of the latest email in the corner of my screen coming from the parenting coordinator that my ex husband has not paid her a dime and that if a report is sent to the court that all her fees must be paid in advance! 

Beautiful.  It only gets better.  For any Dads that might be reading this (and my last post which angered many of them) I am sure that you are of better standards than my ex.  My ex has lived with his parents since we split (5 years ago), does not have a vehicle, has not helped me with any doctor vistits or cavity fillings.  Also, I NEVER asked for child support or any other support for that matter before or after we divorced.  I know how important fathers are in their children’s lives.   I was lucky to have an outstanding father which is why I never tried for sole custody to begin with.

Anyways, my ex was also ordered by the court to have insurance for the girls and has only done so for a total combined 2 of the last 5 years.  I could go on and on.  This is not the upstanding father that I am dealing with here.   The girls even call him by his first name because that is how he is addressed at his home by his parents!  Tell me that wouldn’t be demeaning to all you Dads out there?  It’s awful.

It’s only 2pm!  Can I go to bed and just call it a day?  Let’s hope tomorrow is a better day.