Date Night In San Francisco

If you have read anything about myself or my family you already know that we are big believers of “date night”.   For us, it is one of the many secrets that keep our bond strong.  For a few hours we get to laugh, have good conversation and have some alone time with no kids around. 

Two Friday nights ago Frank and I had a wonderful date night.  It was probably one of the best ones in a long time.  The date nights that we don’t plan usually end up being the better ones.  We had a wonderful dinner at a greek restaurant and then we went and saw the movie, The Hangover.

But this last Friday night was spent in San Francisco.  I had no idea we were going anywhere so this was a big surprise.  Frank told me last Monday that I needed to start packing for 3 days away.  I was so excited.  I’m a big fan of being surprised.

This is the second trip to San Francisco since we’ve been together.   For our date night we went to Fisherman’s Wharf and ate at one of our favorite restaurants, Aliotos.  I know it’s a tourist trap there which is exactly how we first found the place.  They treat you like family when you’re there and the clam chowder is delicious!  Then we walked around Pier 39.  I also had the lobster risotto which was amazing (I just passed the mushrooms over to Frank).

While we were there we also went to Monterey and Carmel.  Something we didn’t get a chance to do the last time.  We also visited his cousin and her family that live 40 minutes north of the city and we fell in love with the cute little town.  In fact, we were trying to think of a way we could move there.

We stayed at Parc 55 which is right in the garment district (Union Square).  It was hard to find at first only because of all the one way streets and also because the GPS on our phones wasn’t working well because of all the tall buildings!  But that was actually pretty funny!  We were on the 25th floor with an amazing bay view.  (see below)

 

Next time we come hopefully it will be to take the California real estate test and we can start marketing in the northern California area.

To My Dad for Father’s Day

Every year at this time, I always want to get my Dad something better than the year before.  It’s so hard to buy anything for someone who is so distinguished.  He has everything already.  What could I possibly get him that he really wants and doesn’t already have?   Well, Dad I am about to try…

Dear Dad,

I love you more than words can say.  You have always been the world to me.  When I was little and would put my hands in yours I trusted you to show me the way.  And never wavering, you always would.  All my life you were there whenever I needed you.   You are a wonderful teacher with the utmost patience and you possess a kind-hearted spirit that makes me strive to be more like you every day. 

I am so lucky to have such a wonderful Dad in you.  Too many people I have met throughout the years either lost their father at a young age or worse, never even met their father.  I couldn’t imagine either one or anything in between.  You have been such an inspiration to me. 

You taught me right from wrong, good and evil, how important it is to believe in God and most of all to cherish life and all it has to offer.  All the while instilling in me so many life lessons.  You told me early on that “priority #1 is always Numero Uno” – that health is the most important thing because if you don’t have your health you will experience nothing.  You taught me as a teenager that “life isn’t always fair” and the soonest I believe that the less disappointments I would feel. 

You’ve always had a way of bringing the most mundane of things to life.  A boring drive would turn into fun and excitement.  We would guess what the people in cars in front of us looked like just by their bumper stickers, license plates or where they bought their car.  Or teaching me about how a car engine works by drawing a diagram and showing pistons, rods, the crank shaft and side block. 

I remember when we went up north to find a Christmas tree and we made a day of it.  We stopped and played in the snow, made snowmen and snow angels and had snowball fights.  We picked the most beautiful tree we could find and then lost it on I-17 just 30 minutes before we got home.  It was one of the best days ever!  We laughed so hard and then on the way home we picked up a tree on a street corner a minute away from our house!  

I remember spontaneous road trips like when you drove us up to the top of the Four Peaks and we actually drove through the clouds. 

I remember telling my friends that and them thinking you had magical powers.  And I would tell them that I really thought you did have magic powers because who can drive through clouds?

 I remember all the bike rides where we would ride and talk.  Then, we’d come home and jump in the pool because we were so hot!   Oh and lets not forget my sweet 16 birthday.  It was time to drive but first you had me change a tire.   You didn’t lift a finger – you only gave instructions.  

These days it seems we don’t have enough time to be with each other like we used to.  When we do, I get to see you in your role as Grandpa.  It’s there where I get to relive your goofiness and marvel in all the things I loved about you when I was a kid.   I see the kids light up when you play with them and it brings me such joy inside. 

You are not just a wonderful father.  You are a wonderful son, husband, grandfather, a friend to many, an inspiration to all that know you and a blessing to all that share your love. 

Thank you for being you!  Happy Father’s Day!

Love Always,
“Peanuts”

(no, no one else is allowed to call me that… besides Mom and thankfully she never does!)

— The song above is mine and my Dad’s favorite father-daughter song. —
                                                       Enjoy!

Blended Families and How to Cope

Blended families is a subject that people don’t like to talk about but statistically we know our society is going through.  With fifty percent of new marriages ending in divorce I’m surprised this topic isn’t being talked about every day in the media.  Fifty percent is a very scary figure.  Especially for someone like myself, who comes from a broken home and has already been married once.

Currently, I am engaged.  (If you want to get to know me real quick click here.)   There’s a lot more to me than the fact that I have two children from a previous marriage and one child with my fiance.

Frank, my fiance, is an authoritative person naturally.  He is very loud whether he’s happy, sad, angry or even sneezing.  Myself, on the other hand, have a hard time being heard even if I’m standing a foot away from the person I’m talking to!  I am also considerably more laid back than him.  I grew up in a somewhat affluent neighborhood in Scottsdale and Frank is from a small town in New York.  However, he is Italian.  His father was born and raised in Palermo, Italy and his mother is a first generation American but both her parents are from Northern Italy.   So, small town or not, he has very traditional values.  On top of this, the neighborhood he grew up in (and didn’t leave until he was 20) was nothing even close to middle class.  The stories he tells about prostitution outside his bedroom window and the segregation he witnessed as a small child in the 70’s makes you assume he grew up on the streets of Brooklyn! 

But the values instilled in him were a strong work ethic, play little, save more, spend less, expect a lot, trust no one except your own immediate family, be true to your word, and leave a legacy behind that your children will be proud of.   There is nothing wrong with most of those values.  But those values are very rare to find in Arizona.  The people here are generally known as laid back, non-confrontational, care-free and more about family than we are about work ethics.  There is also an 8 year age difference between Frank and I – him being older.

When you put the two of us together it creates a wonderful balance.  But when it comes to the children we have very different levels of patience, tolerance and our ideals as parents. 

Now that you understand a bit on where we both are coming from I can tell you that the hardest part of being in a blended family is when it comes to discipline.  He thinks he should be able to discipline the girls on the spot right when he sees it.  We have seen several therapists who have all told him it’s best for him to tell me so that I can do the disciplinary action.  That’s’ how it was when I was growing up with my stepdad.  He would never have stepped over my Mom to discipline me.  If he had I would have laughed at him but that’s because I was much older than my girls are.  I was a teenager. 

On the other hand though, I do see the side that Frank is on.  It’s his house, he needs to be respected also.  But the thing is that I share custody with my ex husband.  So their father is very much in their lives (3 days a week).  Which makes it hard for Frank at all levels because they already have a Dad.

The girls don’t see (or hear) how bad of a father their real Dad is because I have never vented that frustration to them.  They don’t know why their father has lived with his parents ever since we split, or why he hasn’t had a vehicle for the past 4 years.  They don’t know why they eat mustard sandwiches at their Dad’s house (not kidding – he actually fed that to them) and steak at Mommy’s.  Frank works tirelessly so that I can be home with the kids even though that was never our plan.  But three years ago when I went to my attorney seeking more custody he told me that the best way to guarantee that was to quit my job and stay home.  At the time, my ex was working very long hours but by the time the trial came around he quit working and told the Judge he was in school.  The end result gave me the ridiculous outcome we have now. 

Also, to show you the extent of evil we have had to endure by my ex, he maliciously accused Frank of striking my youngest daughter in the face with his fist.  (She was four at the time and you could tell her that the sky was red and she would think that the sky was red).  This incident happened on Memorial Day two years ago – a day before his contempt hearing.  Memorial Day weekend in Arizona is known to be spent either in a pool or a nearby lake.  The girls were in three different pools during the long weekend and Britney is very fair skinned.  She had what doctors later diagnosed her with as contact dermatitis caused by pool chlorine.  When their father picked them up he saw 2 small red blotches under her eye, then went to the grocery store, went home to his mother who immediately saw an opportunity to drive a wrench right through my heart and my family so they called 911 (3 hours after the exchange).  Frank was then arrested within 90 minutes.

Then because the contempt hearing was the very next day, the Judge would not hear anything about this new accusation.  She wanted to set an exclusive hearing for just this accusation but didn’t see that it was an urgent matter so she immediately ordered Frank not be at home when the kids were there.  Then on Father’s Day we found out I was pregnant with Frankie!  To add to it, I was already four months along with a due date in December.

My attorney wanted a clean custody case so he was working only on my custody case and wanted a criminal attorney to handle this other accusation.  This in itself, pushed the process even longer because the criminal attorney we hired had much worse cases he was dealing with.  Long dramatic story short, Frank was gone for 6 months and both judges (in the criminal court and family court) ruled that my ex acted with “malice intent” and proved without a doubt that Frank never struck Britney in any way shape or form.

It was hard to see any silver lining in the clouds during that difficult time.  But after it was all over we realized that those 6 months did wonders for us as a family unit.  Prior to this, the girls never had a chance to miss Frank.  Both girls would draw him pictures, write him letters, tell me to tell him the sweet things they say about him.  He came home the day before Thanksgiving and when I went to go get the girls and bring them home to him they jumped out of the car, ran inside and jumped into Frank’s arms and didn’t let go for what seemed like an eternity.  Every one of us cried, (especially me being 8 months pregnant)! 

This goes to show you the good in Frank’s heart and also that he is still by our sides willing to do whatever it takes to keep our family in tact.  We battle daily the pessimistic behavior that the girls witness at their Dad’s house so we’ve learned that as long as he and I are a united front that we will end up coming out on top … hopefully the girls will take after us.  And we never talk bad about their father … in front of them. 

Blended families can survive.  Since he came home, we implemented family night every Monday (but no, we are not Mormon).  The girls love it.  I also started taking them somewhere on Saturday nights when I get them back from their father.  That way it gives them something to look forward to while they’re gone and it also makes them anxious to come home!    As far as discipline goes we have a ‘chore board’ that we update each week.  This makes it easy for us to keep track of “wages earned” (we don’t call it an allowance because that implies they are entitled to it) and also if chores don’t get done there is a corresponding consequence.  We have very much a team oriented home with everyone accountable and responsible for holding up their end of the bargain.  The girls feel needed and they know what is expected of them.

I am blessed to have Frank in my/our life and I know that the girls will come to realize the same thing in time.  Together we’ll do this.  I know we can.  I have learned to be more constant and unwavering in regards to disciplining and he has learned to tolerate more and recognize that with children you have to tell them everything at least 2000 times before they’ll remember it!

This family will not be a failed statistic.  Guaranteed! 

 

 

 

 

If you’re not tired of my stories please read:  Young Women Need to be Selective, not Selected and/or An Ode to Stay at Home Moms.

Do You Do It Indoors or Outdoors?

Get your mind out of the gutter!  I’m talking about exercise!

Here in the suburbs of Phoenix today it is supposed to reach 100 degrees.  That is way too hot to workout in so, needless to say, if I don’t get out of bed in the morning by 7am I won’t end up working out.  By the time the kids go to bed at the end of the day I am exhausted.  The last thing I want to do is workout at 8:30-9pm.

So, after this whirlwind of a weekend where we were going to bed late and sleeping late, I decided last night at midnight that I would wake up at 7am this morning.  I set my alarm for 7 and I woke up this morning at 6:30 … because of our cat!  He just comes up sometimes and lays right by my head and purrs so loud that it wakes me up!  He’ll do this just to get me to wake up and refresh his bowl.  I say “refresh” because there is food in it but I have to toss it around to make it sound new to him I guess.

Anyways, so thanks to Cosmo I woke up before I wanted to today.  And now it is only 3:30 in the afternoon and I am drinking yet another cup of coffee.  But, I did get right on the treadmill this morning after getting out of bed.  That is not an exageration at all.  I take a sip of water and then go right to running.  I ran straight this morning for 28 minutes without stopping.

A year ago I couldn’t run for longer than 3 minutes without stopping.  I always heard about these strange people that could run for miles at a time and I never thought I could do it.  But now I’m facing a different dilemma:  I’m not sweating as much anymore after I run for 30 minutes.  So last week I started running for 40 minutes but this morning I didn’t want to.  I do want to run a marathon someday but right now I’m just trying to lose 10-15 more pounds.   Usually after I run I will do 3 sets each of reverse lunges, pushups and crunches.  I will change it up daily to either different crunches or instead of push-ups I will do dips using a bench or vanity stool.

After I ran this morning I started to make a pot of coffee (even though I didn’t really need it anymore) and I was wanting to work out some more.  So I put in the Wii Active that Frank bought (for himself) a couple weeks ago.   Wow!  It actually made me sweat!    I did the high intensity 30 minute workout.  It has you do kick ups, lunges, inline skating, tennis, dancing, rows, barbell lifts, and all kinds of other things.   We almost bought the Wii Fit but I think we’re happy with this one for now.  I couldn’t believe it.  When he bought it I thought it would be another thing that would just sit and collect dust but I see now why he likes it.

 The summers in Arizona really don’t permit any outdoor workouts at all.   I am the type of person who would rather be outside exercising than inside.   Normally, during the fall, winter and spring you will find me on any one of the 10 or so hiking trails within the city limits.   But during the summer I stay inside!  Because of this, I am the opposite of most people:  I tend to gain weight in the summers! 

So all this made me wonder:  which do you prefer (weather permitting)?  Are you an indoor or outdoor exerciser and what are your favorite workouts?  I need some ideas flowing my way to give me some alternating workouts.

Visit http://amothersmemoir.wordpress.com/2009/01/21/my-secret-for-weight-loss/  for low carb recipes and tips and tricks for getting over weight loss plateaus.

Low Carb Shrimp Fettuccine

I am still amazed that my low carb tuna noodle casserole  recipe is one of my top 5 most visited posts.  So for that reason, I am compelled to share more low carb recipes.

Last week we took the kids to Brio Italian grill.   We all love the food there.  They even give the kids dough balls to play with while you wait for your food.  It is possible to go there and not eat the carb loaded food but Frank and I know how good their dishes are so even our best intentions go out the window as soon as we walk in! 

We both ended up ordering the shrimp and lobster fettuccine.  We had never ordered it before and it was delicious.  But I couldn’t help but realize the same dish could be made without all the carbs!   So here’s my low carb version and, might I add, just as delicious.

1 box Dreamfields fettuccine
extra virgin olive oil                                      
2 TBL butter
2 cloves garlic, or minced
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/4 cup sherry wine
pinch of sea salt
pinch of dry parsley
1 large bag of frozen shrimp (buy organic if you can)
artichoke hearts (if desired)
1 small on the vine tomato (diced)
Pecorino Romano cheese (as much as desired)

Thaw shrimp as directed on bag.  Cut tails off shrimp and set aside.  Prepare pasta as indicated on box but add 1 TBL butter and a splash of EVOO for taste.  In a skillet on med high, coat with EVOO,  butter, lemon juice, sherry, salt, parsley and artichoke hearts.  Saute for about 4-5 minutes until shrimp is golden brown.  Serve your pasta, pour shrimp on top and sprinkle with tomatoes and cheese.

I promise you will love it!   Each serving yields about 10-15 carbs depending on how ‘big’ your serving spoon is.

The pasta is controlled carb pasta so while it is significantly lower in carbs than traditional pasta you should only eat 1-2 servings because too much will actually convert to sugar in your body thus, being totally counter-productive to a low carb diet.  But, if you don’t eat much that means leftovers! 

So enjoy it for dinner tonight and again for tomorrow’s lunch.  And sorry I didn’t include a picture.  I will take a picture the next time I make it and post it.

Happy Low Carbing Everyone…

For some more recipes visit  http://amothersmemoir.wordpress.com/2009/06/08/another-delicious-low-carb-recipe/.

Who Cares About Carrie Prejean

What’s the deal with Carrie Prejean … and why do we care?

I don’t follow the pageants at all, not locally, nationally or  internationally.  It just doesn’t appeal to me.

But this woman has made headlines almost every week since the Miss USA pageant.  I don’t get it.  First, it was her answer to Perez Hilton about gay marriage which was silly to talk about in the first place.  She has a right to believe what she wants.  I personally don’t care who gets married.  If you’re in love and you want to make it “real” – whatever, I get it.  She probably should’ve kept her own beliefs to herself and said something like “The state shouldn’t come between 2 people and their lifestyle.”  And then she could’ve gone about her merry way.

Then the following day it was the “racy” pictures that weren’t really racy at all.  They showed her bare back.  So what?

The following week it was that she was dating ‘Mr. Pothead’, Michael Phelps.  Who cares?  Which to that, I must say I don’t really care who smokes what as long as it doesn’t interfere with my (or my kids) life.  The whole thing about Phelps and the pot though … ugh - it’s not like he was taking a ‘performance enhancing drug’!  It actually affected my life when and only when our own media outlets put it on the news!  That isn’t NEWS!  It’s at that point when our kids start to associate Michael Phelps and drugs. 

Anyways, I really think this whole thing is purposely put on by Donald Trump to raise publicity for himself and his dumb reality shows.  Ok, I don’t really think that but it seems like all these pageant winners that he ‘backs’ all have a bunch of skeletons in their closets. 

What I’d like to ask Donald Trump is why he ever pulled out of Phoenix?   He was trying to get the permit to build a high rise in a part of Phoenix where they’re really not welcome (by the neighbors).  But my question, is why didn’t he go to Tempe, downtown Scottsdale or even downtown Phoenix?

Let’s get our heads out of the pageant world, Trump, and stick to real estate!  It seems that’s where your skill-set is less questionable!

Isolated Incident that is … Dane Cook

It’s been almost 2 weeks and I never mentioned the date night we had.  We went to see our favorite comedian… Dane Cook.  If you’ve read my article The Power of a Shared Laugh you’ll know that comedy is at the top of our list for things to do.

I can’t believe I haven’t written about it yet.  Too much drama going on here on the homefront I guess.        

Frank and I love going to the Tempe Improv.  But Dane Cook can sell out an entire sports arena!   I’ve read some other blogs about Dane Cook and surprisingly they’re not very favorable to him.  That is shocking to me because he has a clever way of taking the day-to-day mundane stuff and turns it into laugh-out-loud entertainment.  These bloggers should take note that he is selling out these stadiums and recognize that rather than critique his leading man roles in feature films.   But then again, I am the opposite sex and find him very easy on the eyes! 

I’m sure he doesn’t lay in bed at night kicking himself for not winning an Oscar last February.  In fact, knowing what most fans know about him, he probably pats himself on the back for sharing the screen with Jessica Alba and Kate Hudson.  I know that’s how I’d feel if I were him! 

 

Keep up the good work Dane!  We loved every minute of your show.  We weren’t all that excited about driving to Glendale to see him at jobing.com arena but all in all it was worth the trip!

Another Delicious Low Carb Recipe

I have gotten a lot of feedback from the post about my low carb casserole.  It is still delicious and a staple in the household.  I haven’t made it for a while now though but the girls just asked me today to make it for dinner tonight.  I didn’t – I made pork chops instead.  Bummer for them, but they had a yummy lunch today…

It was delicious.  I made tuna melts with low carb bread.  I’m sure there are the non-believers out there who say low carb bread must taste like cardboard but this one does not.  It is soft, delicious, and only 5 net carbs per slice.  I just made them the same way as grilled cheese sandwiches but added tuna salad to it (except not american cheese – I used deli fresh cheddar cheese).  I surprised Frank and brought him one while he was working and he loved it.  And of course he came out of his office and wanted more but by that time the tuna was all gone.  So we made a regular grilled cheese sandwich for him.  Yum.

I wanted another one so bad but that would have put me at 20 carbs just for lunch so I made another one and shared it with Kaitlyn.  Perfect!

Now this isn’t a good idea for someone who is still on a strict 20 grams of carbs per day but those of us who have been doing low carb for quite a while know about those cravings for bread sometimes. 

Low carb bread is perfect.  I even make the girl’s sandwiches with it.

Happy Low Carbing!

Help! I’m In Love With a Workaholic

Does anyone have a workaholic spouse?  I want to know some ideas on how to deal.  If you have any please share them with me.

I am not lazy but if you compare me to my 15 hour work-day fiance some would probably say I am!

He has a determination that I haven’t seen in anyone before.  While I love and admire it, sometimes it’s also the thing I despise most about him.

He is an entrepreneur inside and out.  He has never worked for anyone but his own father.  He is a type ‘A’ personality through and through.  I am the laid back one.  The one who doesn’t get easily upset about anything (for the most part).

Whenever his phone rings, he has to answer it no matter where we are or what we’re doing.  Countless times we’ve been out to dinner and in the middle of a conversation and his phone rings.  I can’t stand it.  It drives me crazy.  But I also know that it’s business.  It’s what puts food on the table so I just deal with it.

He wakes up at 5am every day and is tired by 9pm.  Doesn’t leave much time for anything after the kids go to bed at 8:00.  We do have date night every Friday which keeps me going but lately our date nights have been pretty dull.  We go out to dinner and by the time we pay the bill he’s ready to call it a day.

I know he works so hard so that I don’t have to and so that I can be home with the kids.  I am so grateful to him for that but it’s also very lonely.  Even though he’s here during the day we don’t talk and hardly see each other because he’s in his office.

Can anyone give me some solutions?  What do you do?  I meet with friends for lunch occasionally but don’t make a routine of it because I feel guilty when he’s working his butt off.