Aloha! Take Advantage of the Recession Deals

I haven’t written in a while but now we’re finally back from Hawaii and I’m not sad at all!  We were there for 6 days with all 3 kids and Frank and I were both happy to come home.  It was fun taking the whole family but also completely exhausting!  Now if we were there just the two of us I’m sure it would’ve been a different story having to leave.

 

 

 

 

We stayed in Waikiki and this was our first trip to Hawaii for all of us.  It was absolutely beautiful and we did a lot in 6 days. 

We stayed at the Aston Waikiki Sunset (ResortQuest) only because it was the best deal for a one bedroom suite.  We wanted to stay at the Hilton Village because that’s where everyone told us to go but their price for a 1 bedroom suite per night was the grand total we spent at the Aston (which needless to say is why I booked it!).  But then when we got to the hotel we very quickly realized why the price was so appealing.  The place was in desperate need of remodeling.  Thankfully, we were only there to sleep so it served it’s purpose.   However, we will never stay there again.

The next day we had to make our way over to Hilton Village to board the Atlantis submarine and Frank said “Oooh I wish we would’ve stayed here” until, of course, I reminded him of the money we were saving by not staying there.  

The first day we were there we went to the beach which was 4 blocks from our hotel and then we went back to the room and us girls got all dolled up for the luau. 

We all got ready early so I suggested we walk down to the Moana Surfrider hotel to get “The Best Mai Tai In Town” per The Today Show.  It was very strong and not very sweet.  But Frank was very happy with it.

 

Then we missed our bus to the Paradise Cove Luau in Ko’olina so we had to drive ourselves.  But that worked out and we didn’t end up missing much:  just the pig roasting which I’m glad the girls didn’t see anyways otherwise they’d probably want to be vegetarians by now!

The following day we headed up to the North Shore and I told everyone we’d just take a drive and see the sights so the baby could take a nap.  No one knew I secretly packed our swimsuits and towels!  Not sure how they all missed the big bulky beach bag but it was a great surprise!  This is also where I got my crazy sunburn (hence the reason there’s no picture here).  I thought my oversized sunglasses covered more of my forehead so I ended up getting burned and looking really strange.  I also thought the one finger spread of sunscreen across my forehead would keep me covered so that’s why the name ’stripes’ was so fitting for Frank to call me the next couple of days.  

Then we went to Waimea Falls Park and it was breathtaking especially because I didn’t know Oahu had any waterfalls so not expecting to see any and then seeing this was awesome.

They told us they do a lot of weddings there and after the 25 minute walk through the park we know why.

 

The next day we did a dinner cruise and the kids really loved the entertainment on board.  There were hula dancers, a Hawaiian singer and a little magic show.  We also did the Polynesian Cultural Center but we weren’t very impressed with it.   That could also be due to how hot and humid it was though. 

The real highlight of the trip for Frank and I was the snorkelling at Hanauma Bay.  What a beautiful place to snorkel.  As you all know we had planned to do our first dive on this trip after getting PADI certified but we had a problem bringing the baby on the boat so we didn’t do it.   This was still a great experience though and no regrets about not scuba diving.

We were able to take all the kids on this trip to Hawaii because of all the spectacular deals there are online.  The islands are really hurting right now because of the recession so if you can afford to take advantage of the deals US Airways is offering I suggest you do it while there’s still time.  Also, check out www.sidestep.com.  They have some great deals and are generally about 15% lower than priceline and all the others.  For those of you who made a face when I said US Airways, yes I know, we feel the same way about them.  But are you more loyal to an airline or your own wallet? 

All and all it was a great trip and we’re glad we shared it with the kids.  Next time we’ll do Maui or Kauai and we’ll just hang out on a resort and never leave.

Mahalo and Aloha!

Blended Families and How to Cope

Blended families is a subject that people don’t like to talk about but statistically we know our society is going through.  With fifty percent of new marriages ending in divorce I’m surprised this topic isn’t being talked about every day in the media.  Fifty percent is a very scary figure.  Especially for someone like myself, who comes from a broken home and has already been married once.

Currently, I am engaged.  (If you want to get to know me real quick click here.)   There’s a lot more to me than the fact that I have two children from a previous marriage and one child with my fiance.

Frank, my fiance, is an authoritative person naturally.  He is very loud whether he’s happy, sad, angry or even sneezing.  Myself, on the other hand, have a hard time being heard even if I’m standing a foot away from the person I’m talking to!  I am also considerably more laid back than him.  I grew up in a somewhat affluent neighborhood in Scottsdale and Frank is from a small town in New York.  However, he is Italian.  His father was born and raised in Palermo, Italy and his mother is a first generation American but both her parents are from Northern Italy.   So, small town or not, he has very traditional values.  On top of this, the neighborhood he grew up in (and didn’t leave until he was 20) was nothing even close to middle class.  The stories he tells about prostitution outside his bedroom window and the segregation he witnessed as a small child in the 70’s makes you assume he grew up on the streets of Brooklyn! 

But the values instilled in him were a strong work ethic, play little, save more, spend less, expect a lot, trust no one except your own immediate family, be true to your word, and leave a legacy behind that your children will be proud of.   There is nothing wrong with most of those values.  But those values are very rare to find in Arizona.  The people here are generally known as laid back, non-confrontational, care-free and more about family than we are about work ethics.  There is also an 8 year age difference between Frank and I – him being older.

When you put the two of us together it creates a wonderful balance.  But when it comes to the children we have very different levels of patience, tolerance and our ideals as parents. 

Now that you understand a bit on where we both are coming from I can tell you that the hardest part of being in a blended family is when it comes to discipline.  He thinks he should be able to discipline the girls on the spot right when he sees it.  We have seen several therapists who have all told him it’s best for him to tell me so that I can do the disciplinary action.  That’s’ how it was when I was growing up with my stepdad.  He would never have stepped over my Mom to discipline me.  If he had I would have laughed at him but that’s because I was much older than my girls are.  I was a teenager. 

On the other hand though, I do see the side that Frank is on.  It’s his house, he needs to be respected also.  But the thing is that I share custody with my ex husband.  So their father is very much in their lives (3 days a week).  Which makes it hard for Frank at all levels because they already have a Dad.

The girls don’t see (or hear) how bad of a father their real Dad is because I have never vented that frustration to them.  They don’t know why their father has lived with his parents ever since we split, or why he hasn’t had a vehicle for the past 4 years.  They don’t know why they eat mustard sandwiches at their Dad’s house (not kidding – he actually fed that to them) and steak at Mommy’s.  Frank works tirelessly so that I can be home with the kids even though that was never our plan.  But three years ago when I went to my attorney seeking more custody he told me that the best way to guarantee that was to quit my job and stay home.  At the time, my ex was working very long hours but by the time the trial came around he quit working and told the Judge he was in school.  The end result gave me the ridiculous outcome we have now. 

Also, to show you the extent of evil we have had to endure by my ex, he maliciously accused Frank of striking my youngest daughter in the face with his fist.  (She was four at the time and you could tell her that the sky was red and she would think that the sky was red).  This incident happened on Memorial Day two years ago – a day before his contempt hearing.  Memorial Day weekend in Arizona is known to be spent either in a pool or a nearby lake.  The girls were in three different pools during the long weekend and Britney is very fair skinned.  She had what doctors later diagnosed her with as contact dermatitis caused by pool chlorine.  When their father picked them up he saw 2 small red blotches under her eye, then went to the grocery store, went home to his mother who immediately saw an opportunity to drive a wrench right through my heart and my family so they called 911 (3 hours after the exchange).  Frank was then arrested within 90 minutes.

Then because the contempt hearing was the very next day, the Judge would not hear anything about this new accusation.  She wanted to set an exclusive hearing for just this accusation but didn’t see that it was an urgent matter so she immediately ordered Frank not be at home when the kids were there.  Then on Father’s Day we found out I was pregnant with Frankie!  To add to it, I was already four months along with a due date in December.

My attorney wanted a clean custody case so he was working only on my custody case and wanted a criminal attorney to handle this other accusation.  This in itself, pushed the process even longer because the criminal attorney we hired had much worse cases he was dealing with.  Long dramatic story short, Frank was gone for 6 months and both judges (in the criminal court and family court) ruled that my ex acted with “malice intent” and proved without a doubt that Frank never struck Britney in any way shape or form.

It was hard to see any silver lining in the clouds during that difficult time.  But after it was all over we realized that those 6 months did wonders for us as a family unit.  Prior to this, the girls never had a chance to miss Frank.  Both girls would draw him pictures, write him letters, tell me to tell him the sweet things they say about him.  He came home the day before Thanksgiving and when I went to go get the girls and bring them home to him they jumped out of the car, ran inside and jumped into Frank’s arms and didn’t let go for what seemed like an eternity.  Every one of us cried, (especially me being 8 months pregnant)! 

This goes to show you the good in Frank’s heart and also that he is still by our sides willing to do whatever it takes to keep our family in tact.  We battle daily the pessimistic behavior that the girls witness at their Dad’s house so we’ve learned that as long as he and I are a united front that we will end up coming out on top … hopefully the girls will take after us.  And we never talk bad about their father … in front of them. 

Blended families can survive.  Since he came home, we implemented family night every Monday (but no, we are not Mormon).  The girls love it.  I also started taking them somewhere on Saturday nights when I get them back from their father.  That way it gives them something to look forward to while they’re gone and it also makes them anxious to come home!    As far as discipline goes we have a ‘chore board’ that we update each week.  This makes it easy for us to keep track of “wages earned” (we don’t call it an allowance because that implies they are entitled to it) and also if chores don’t get done there is a corresponding consequence.  We have very much a team oriented home with everyone accountable and responsible for holding up their end of the bargain.  The girls feel needed and they know what is expected of them.

I am blessed to have Frank in my/our life and I know that the girls will come to realize the same thing in time.  Together we’ll do this.  I know we can.  I have learned to be more constant and unwavering in regards to disciplining and he has learned to tolerate more and recognize that with children you have to tell them everything at least 2000 times before they’ll remember it!

This family will not be a failed statistic.  Guaranteed! 

 

 

 

 

If you’re not tired of my stories please read:  Young Women Need to be Selective, not Selected and/or An Ode to Stay at Home Moms.