PADI Certified?

Call me crazy… but why are people paying for this certification?  What is stopping people from buying their own scuba gear, reading “Scuba Diving for Dummies” and then going off to dive into any ocean they want?  Is there some sort of scuba police that I don’t know about where they’re waiting to ask for your PADI ID?!

Don’t get the wrong idea here, the money isn’t the problem – its’ the time.  Frank and I and the kids are going to Hawaii in the next month and Frank wanted to get certified before we went.  To me it seemed like a logical thing to do until our ’scuba instructor’ told me yesterday that Frank and I have to watch a DVD, read a 150 page book, answer the 5 chapter tests, get acquainted with our RDP contraption, and meet him on Friday for an orientation meeting!  What the heck!  All I want to do is breathe under water!  Does it really take all this to get that accomplished?? 

Frank and I have been scuba diving before.  Well let me rephrase:  I’ve been scuba diving before.   A couple years ago we went to Cabo San Lucas (ahhh) and we added scuba diving to our itinerary online while we were booking the trip.  When we got to the hotel who was sponsoring this adventure the instructor gave us our gear, told us there was a 15 minute instuctional video and when we were done to meet him on the pier at the boat!

This scared the heck out of Frank because he’s not the best of swimmers coming out of upstate New York and all.  He was expecting a class at the hotel pool.

I wasn’t scared yet.  I had never been scuba diving before but I had been snorkelling in Catalina Island before.  So since there was no formal training being given here I just thought this was going to be easier than I ever imagined.

We got all our gear on, met our instructor at what looked like a fishing boat, drove out to the picturesque rock formation that is on every postcard from Cabo and then we threw the anchor.

 

The instructor who could barely speak english reminded us to swallow every foot to a foot and a half and to wave to him if there was a problem.  Frank and I initially had problems starting because we weren’t used to breathing through a straw.  This was it for Frank.  He was freaked out.  He climbed back up into the boat and told me to go ahead.  It took me a while to get the hang of it but eventually I did and went down.  I loved it.  I saw a family of seahorses nestled into the ocean wall and I had this fish follow me for most of the whole experience.  It was a pretty euphoric feeling.

A little scary at first but well worth the anxiety.  I’m a little nervous right now about doing this in Hawaii but mostly because we’re taking the kids with us.  So we’ll see how it goes.

Blended Families and How to Cope

Blended families is a subject that people don’t like to talk about but statistically we know our society is going through.  With fifty percent of new marriages ending in divorce I’m surprised this topic isn’t being talked about every day in the media.  Fifty percent is a very scary figure.  Especially for someone like myself, who comes from a broken home and has already been married once.

Currently, I am engaged.  (If you want to get to know me real quick click here.)   There’s a lot more to me than the fact that I have two children from a previous marriage and one child with my fiance.

Frank, my fiance, is an authoritative person naturally.  He is very loud whether he’s happy, sad, angry or even sneezing.  Myself, on the other hand, have a hard time being heard even if I’m standing a foot away from the person I’m talking to!  I am also considerably more laid back than him.  I grew up in a somewhat affluent neighborhood in Scottsdale and Frank is from a small town in New York.  However, he is Italian.  His father was born and raised in Palermo, Italy and his mother is a first generation American but both her parents are from Northern Italy.   So, small town or not, he has very traditional values.  On top of this, the neighborhood he grew up in (and didn’t leave until he was 20) was nothing even close to middle class.  The stories he tells about prostitution outside his bedroom window and the segregation he witnessed as a small child in the 70’s makes you assume he grew up on the streets of Brooklyn! 

But the values instilled in him were a strong work ethic, play little, save more, spend less, expect a lot, trust no one except your own immediate family, be true to your word, and leave a legacy behind that your children will be proud of.   There is nothing wrong with most of those values.  But those values are very rare to find in Arizona.  The people here are generally known as laid back, non-confrontational, care-free and more about family than we are about work ethics.  There is also an 8 year age difference between Frank and I – him being older.

When you put the two of us together it creates a wonderful balance.  But when it comes to the children we have very different levels of patience, tolerance and our ideals as parents. 

Now that you understand a bit on where we both are coming from I can tell you that the hardest part of being in a blended family is when it comes to discipline.  He thinks he should be able to discipline the girls on the spot right when he sees it.  We have seen several therapists who have all told him it’s best for him to tell me so that I can do the disciplinary action.  That’s’ how it was when I was growing up with my stepdad.  He would never have stepped over my Mom to discipline me.  If he had I would have laughed at him but that’s because I was much older than my girls are.  I was a teenager. 

On the other hand though, I do see the side that Frank is on.  It’s his house, he needs to be respected also.  But the thing is that I share custody with my ex husband.  So their father is very much in their lives (3 days a week).  Which makes it hard for Frank at all levels because they already have a Dad.

The girls don’t see (or hear) how bad of a father their real Dad is because I have never vented that frustration to them.  They don’t know why their father has lived with his parents ever since we split, or why he hasn’t had a vehicle for the past 4 years.  They don’t know why they eat mustard sandwiches at their Dad’s house (not kidding – he actually fed that to them) and steak at Mommy’s.  Frank works tirelessly so that I can be home with the kids even though that was never our plan.  But three years ago when I went to my attorney seeking more custody he told me that the best way to guarantee that was to quit my job and stay home.  At the time, my ex was working very long hours but by the time the trial came around he quit working and told the Judge he was in school.  The end result gave me the ridiculous outcome we have now. 

Also, to show you the extent of evil we have had to endure by my ex, he maliciously accused Frank of striking my youngest daughter in the face with his fist.  (She was four at the time and you could tell her that the sky was red and she would think that the sky was red).  This incident happened on Memorial Day two years ago – a day before his contempt hearing.  Memorial Day weekend in Arizona is known to be spent either in a pool or a nearby lake.  The girls were in three different pools during the long weekend and Britney is very fair skinned.  She had what doctors later diagnosed her with as contact dermatitis caused by pool chlorine.  When their father picked them up he saw 2 small red blotches under her eye, then went to the grocery store, went home to his mother who immediately saw an opportunity to drive a wrench right through my heart and my family so they called 911 (3 hours after the exchange).  Frank was then arrested within 90 minutes.

Then because the contempt hearing was the very next day, the Judge would not hear anything about this new accusation.  She wanted to set an exclusive hearing for just this accusation but didn’t see that it was an urgent matter so she immediately ordered Frank not be at home when the kids were there.  Then on Father’s Day we found out I was pregnant with Frankie!  To add to it, I was already four months along with a due date in December.

My attorney wanted a clean custody case so he was working only on my custody case and wanted a criminal attorney to handle this other accusation.  This in itself, pushed the process even longer because the criminal attorney we hired had much worse cases he was dealing with.  Long dramatic story short, Frank was gone for 6 months and both judges (in the criminal court and family court) ruled that my ex acted with “malice intent” and proved without a doubt that Frank never struck Britney in any way shape or form.

It was hard to see any silver lining in the clouds during that difficult time.  But after it was all over we realized that those 6 months did wonders for us as a family unit.  Prior to this, the girls never had a chance to miss Frank.  Both girls would draw him pictures, write him letters, tell me to tell him the sweet things they say about him.  He came home the day before Thanksgiving and when I went to go get the girls and bring them home to him they jumped out of the car, ran inside and jumped into Frank’s arms and didn’t let go for what seemed like an eternity.  Every one of us cried, (especially me being 8 months pregnant)! 

This goes to show you the good in Frank’s heart and also that he is still by our sides willing to do whatever it takes to keep our family in tact.  We battle daily the pessimistic behavior that the girls witness at their Dad’s house so we’ve learned that as long as he and I are a united front that we will end up coming out on top … hopefully the girls will take after us.  And we never talk bad about their father … in front of them. 

Blended families can survive.  Since he came home, we implemented family night every Monday (but no, we are not Mormon).  The girls love it.  I also started taking them somewhere on Saturday nights when I get them back from their father.  That way it gives them something to look forward to while they’re gone and it also makes them anxious to come home!    As far as discipline goes we have a ‘chore board’ that we update each week.  This makes it easy for us to keep track of “wages earned” (we don’t call it an allowance because that implies they are entitled to it) and also if chores don’t get done there is a corresponding consequence.  We have very much a team oriented home with everyone accountable and responsible for holding up their end of the bargain.  The girls feel needed and they know what is expected of them.

I am blessed to have Frank in my/our life and I know that the girls will come to realize the same thing in time.  Together we’ll do this.  I know we can.  I have learned to be more constant and unwavering in regards to disciplining and he has learned to tolerate more and recognize that with children you have to tell them everything at least 2000 times before they’ll remember it!

This family will not be a failed statistic.  Guaranteed! 

 

 

 

 

If you’re not tired of my stories please read:  Young Women Need to be Selective, not Selected and/or An Ode to Stay at Home Moms.

Do You Do It Indoors or Outdoors?

Get your mind out of the gutter!  I’m talking about exercise!

Here in the suburbs of Phoenix today it is supposed to reach 100 degrees.  That is way too hot to workout in so, needless to say, if I don’t get out of bed in the morning by 7am I won’t end up working out.  By the time the kids go to bed at the end of the day I am exhausted.  The last thing I want to do is workout at 8:30-9pm.

So, after this whirlwind of a weekend where we were going to bed late and sleeping late, I decided last night at midnight that I would wake up at 7am this morning.  I set my alarm for 7 and I woke up this morning at 6:30 … because of our cat!  He just comes up sometimes and lays right by my head and purrs so loud that it wakes me up!  He’ll do this just to get me to wake up and refresh his bowl.  I say “refresh” because there is food in it but I have to toss it around to make it sound new to him I guess.

Anyways, so thanks to Cosmo I woke up before I wanted to today.  And now it is only 3:30 in the afternoon and I am drinking yet another cup of coffee.  But, I did get right on the treadmill this morning after getting out of bed.  That is not an exageration at all.  I take a sip of water and then go right to running.  I ran straight this morning for 28 minutes without stopping.

A year ago I couldn’t run for longer than 3 minutes without stopping.  I always heard about these strange people that could run for miles at a time and I never thought I could do it.  But now I’m facing a different dilemma:  I’m not sweating as much anymore after I run for 30 minutes.  So last week I started running for 40 minutes but this morning I didn’t want to.  I do want to run a marathon someday but right now I’m just trying to lose 10-15 more pounds.   Usually after I run I will do 3 sets each of reverse lunges, pushups and crunches.  I will change it up daily to either different crunches or instead of push-ups I will do dips using a bench or vanity stool.

After I ran this morning I started to make a pot of coffee (even though I didn’t really need it anymore) and I was wanting to work out some more.  So I put in the Wii Active that Frank bought (for himself) a couple weeks ago.   Wow!  It actually made me sweat!    I did the high intensity 30 minute workout.  It has you do kick ups, lunges, inline skating, tennis, dancing, rows, barbell lifts, and all kinds of other things.   We almost bought the Wii Fit but I think we’re happy with this one for now.  I couldn’t believe it.  When he bought it I thought it would be another thing that would just sit and collect dust but I see now why he likes it.

 The summers in Arizona really don’t permit any outdoor workouts at all.   I am the type of person who would rather be outside exercising than inside.   Normally, during the fall, winter and spring you will find me on any one of the 10 or so hiking trails within the city limits.   But during the summer I stay inside!  Because of this, I am the opposite of most people:  I tend to gain weight in the summers! 

So all this made me wonder:  which do you prefer (weather permitting)?  Are you an indoor or outdoor exerciser and what are your favorite workouts?  I need some ideas flowing my way to give me some alternating workouts.

Visit http://amothersmemoir.wordpress.com/2009/01/21/my-secret-for-weight-loss/  for low carb recipes and tips and tricks for getting over weight loss plateaus.

Another Delicious Low Carb Recipe

I have gotten a lot of feedback from the post about my low carb casserole.  It is still delicious and a staple in the household.  I haven’t made it for a while now though but the girls just asked me today to make it for dinner tonight.  I didn’t – I made pork chops instead.  Bummer for them, but they had a yummy lunch today…

It was delicious.  I made tuna melts with low carb bread.  I’m sure there are the non-believers out there who say low carb bread must taste like cardboard but this one does not.  It is soft, delicious, and only 5 net carbs per slice.  I just made them the same way as grilled cheese sandwiches but added tuna salad to it (except not american cheese – I used deli fresh cheddar cheese).  I surprised Frank and brought him one while he was working and he loved it.  And of course he came out of his office and wanted more but by that time the tuna was all gone.  So we made a regular grilled cheese sandwich for him.  Yum.

I wanted another one so bad but that would have put me at 20 carbs just for lunch so I made another one and shared it with Kaitlyn.  Perfect!

Now this isn’t a good idea for someone who is still on a strict 20 grams of carbs per day but those of us who have been doing low carb for quite a while know about those cravings for bread sometimes. 

Low carb bread is perfect.  I even make the girl’s sandwiches with it.

Happy Low Carbing!

Nothing Feels Better Than Family

2008 was a hard year for millions of people.  Many of us probably are still struggling with finances and wondering if our jobs are safe.

What better time is it to reconnect with our families?  Spend more time at home playing games with your kids or just go for a walk with them.   Read books, go outside or just ’hang out’ with them?  What would your children say to you if you were 100% there for them with no distractions? 

The next time they go to their room, go with them and just be there for them.  Just sit there with them and do nothing but watch them until they start interacting with you. 

Depending on their age they might hand you a toy (2-3 year olds), they might want you to play ‘make believe’ with them (4-5 year olds), or they might just say something so astoundingly astute to you such as ”our democracy is a great thing, except for the part about letting anyone vote” (6-7 year olds).  And yes,  my 7 1/2 year old daughter really said that.  It was last October during election season!  We laughed so hard.

Anywho, what do you think your children would say to you if they noticed you sitting there for 5 minutes just totally focused on them?

Remember when our children were babies and we would just sit on the floor with them and watch them explore?  Remember their sincere delight when they noticed you were sitting there just for them?  Our children still need that closeness. 

Something that I found that works really well to break the ice is right after dinner go around the table and start with the youngest and play the ‘high/low’ game.  Their high is what made them smile the most that day, and their low is what made them sad or unhappy that day.  I wish I could take credit for this idea but I can’t.  It came from the movie “Story of Us” with Michelle Pheifer and Bruce Willis.  Love that movie and I still cry every time I watch it!

Also, don’t neglect your spouse.  They need one on one time as well.  Get the kids to bed a little earlier tonight and make a separate dinner under candle light for just the 2 of you.

I’m feeling a little mushy tonight because today we had a family photo shoot with the photographer who’s going to shoot our wedding.  It was supposed to be an engagement session but we already got that done so we wanted to include the kids.

We met Jennifer from O’Grace Photography at the Fairmont Scottsdale Princess

                                                            

and she took some really great photos.  She’s big on candid shots and so am I so I can’t wait to see all the images.  I’ll post some once I get them.

Have a great week everyone!                                                  

“Tuscany” in Phoenix Not So Tuscan

Happy Saturday Everyone!

So first before I go into my latest critique let me first explain that the only times I leave the house without the baby these days is for “Date Night” which is every Friday.  So needless to say, every week I look forward to it passionately.  Usually, we just go out to dinner and go see a movie.  (I would much rather go dancing but I’ll save that for a different post.) 

So last night Frank and I went to Tuscany at the JW Marriott at Desert Ridge.  We’ve wanted to go check this place out for a while and we finally got around to it.

Hmmm . . . it was ok.  Nothing to write home about.  Although by the price of things they really must think the food is superb.  It is not.  First, it took us forever to decide what to order.   Typically we get an expensive entree for dinner when we go out.  But none of the entrees sounded appealing except for the filet but we didn’t want to order the filet at a “Tuscan” restaurant. 

So we ordered the Rigatoni Bolognese with italian sausage.   When we got it there was no italian sausage!  It was stew beef with diced up rigatoni.  Not what we had expected.  I’m sure the folks in Northern Italy are not enamored with stew beef and chopped up pasta!

Urgh!  Disappointing.   Mind you, Frank is Italian and is also from New York.  So he is very hard on italian restaurants but last night I was right there with him.  Then we tried the zeppoles for dessert.  Also disappointing!  They were filled with mascarpone cheese.  Which to someone who didn’t know any better would probably be pretty good.  But not what we’re used to.

Anywho, enough about them.  Next time we spend that kind of money we’ll just go back to Mastro’s, The Chart House or Elements!